HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
