I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I currently don't understand fingers.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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