some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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