like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
