Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
