the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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