don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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