it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
