i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
