Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
