I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
