You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm too high and old for this...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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