I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
