He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
