R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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