oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
