i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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