Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
