I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
