when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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