some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
