My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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