I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
wow bdsm is so cute
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
