So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
