I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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