i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
