Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Randomize
