is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
