I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
