We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
