none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You took a bar mat shot.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
