my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
