i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
