Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
