I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
