You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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