I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
