My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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