it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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