I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
