Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there was a trapeze. enough said
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
