you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
