everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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