I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
