Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
