he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
