If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
