The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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