I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
