Porn is love you can see.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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