she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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