the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
