Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
