dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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