We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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